Mr. Funk

Here is a summary of my news over the last month.  "Today, I feel good." "Today, I don't feel good." etc.  Well, that's what anybody anywhere could say any day, so that's why I haven't posted.  Unfortunately, I'm at risk for letting Mr. Funk take over because I feel so unsure of things and so unproductive!

  1. Despite precautions, the port that was implanted in my chest in May (to make the chemotherapy infusions go easier) has become infected.  I'm taking an antibiotic and hoping they don't have to yank the thing out.
  2. I hate to cancel plans.  But, I can't predict how I'll feel tomorrow, so it is hard to plan or commit to anything.  So, I don't plan.  I'm taking my chemo treatment right now and learned that it will be over sometime in October, so I really need to get used to the new me. They will do a scan of the liver sometime in August to see if the tumor is responding to the medications.
  3. The thing that is bothering me the most right now is that my brother is in the hospital.  I'm the power of attorney and guardian for my only living sibling, Johnnie, who is non-verbal and intellectually disabled.  I've never really known how he is or if he is happy to see me or even knows me. Gentle and as compliant as he can be, he functions at about an 18 month old intellectual level.  Like any 18 month old, Johnnie is absolutely terrified of doctors and hospitals. I moved him to a residential facility in 2020 and the poor guy has had a string of hospitalizations since then.  A week ago, he was sent to the hospital once again.  He's still there. This time, tests indicate a positive COVID test and pneumonia.  I doubt that my presence would help alleviate any of his fears, but it would alleviate mine!  Even if hospital policy would allow me to visit, I can't because chemotherapy has rendered me immunocompromised.  So, here I am, feeling helpless to help. 

I've been trying to harmonize 2 thoughts that are both true:  

  • I, and my fellow human beings have been given the responsibility of caring for others and this earth, often with lousy outcomes because we don't do our work right.
  • I, and my fellow human beings think we can control the way things turn out, but can't. We're totally dependent on God, who wants us to trust that He is good and He is ultimately in control. 
The closest I can come to making sense of this paradox is .... Matthew 25:14-30.  Jesus teaches that, in the Kingdom of Heaven, which is here, but not completely here yet, (huh?) God wanted His servants to do their jobs.  They couldn't control the outcomes, but were expected to do their jobs anyway. 

It's also clear that God got very ticked off at the unfaithful servant when (verse 24) he accused God of being harsh and not being involved enough. 

Gulp.  Might I turn into a perpetually unfaithful servant?


I must stay vigilant!  Mr. Funk could be right around the corner. 






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